Being a people pleaser with anxiety in the corporate world is such a tough thing to deal with. Being in your early twenties and just a few years out of college definitely adds a lot to this. In all honesty, it feels like the corporate world is built for everyone who is the complete opposite of us. It feels like being trapped inside a box, making us unable to achieve our full potential. I have been able to figure out a few things to help cope, nothing groundbreaking or revolutionary, but it is enough to slowly start freeing you from the weight of anxiety in the workplace.
What makes office life so tough?
The corporate world is built in a pretty interesting way. There are so many unwritten rules within a workplace, completely different from how society functions outside of an office. In the regular world, nothing is formal. You don’t have to structure sentences a certain way, dress like a manilla folder with no personality, or break down your personal time boundaries for the financial gain of others. Why is the corporate world different? Why are there rules in an office if we live without them every other hour of our lives?
These are questions a lot of people probably ask regularly. What makes it even tougher is having anxiety in this environment. Sometimes a task, conversation, or even a small trigger will induce an anxiety attack and it feels like there is not much that can be done. Being a people pleaser alone, you do not want to disturb the peace. Adding anxiety on top of that you’re then worried that you’ll be causing people an inconvenience or messing up their day. I think a common anxiety people have is if your work is being affected because of anxiety and you are approached about it, it feels wrong to tell the truth because maybe you’ll get fired or treated differently in the workplace because you have anxiety. It sucks to even have to worry about that. In my opinion though, if you feel like you have to hide things like that in your workplace it might not be the place for you. But, it does take a while to come to that realization, especially when anxiety is clouding your judgment.
Put Yourself First
The hardest part for us people pleasers with anxiety is putting yourself first. I honestly have not started putting myself, my feelings, wants, and needs first in my career until recently. For the first 2 years of my career, I didn’t think about myself at all and just focused on making sure my boss and others around me were satisfied. It’s not as easy for us as other people think. It’s so fucking hard to think about yourself first when you thrive in calm environments and don’t want to feel like your stepping on anyone’s toes. I am an enneagram 9 so if you are too I bet you feel this on a whole other level. It’s a lot of work to just think about yourself and a lot of times our mental and physical health has to deteriorate and be greatly affected for us to realize. So don’t feel like you’re behind or you’re doing something wrong if you’re having trouble putting yourself first. Everyone moves at their own pace and for some, it’s much harder than others and can be extremely exhausting. It goes against the way you’re wired if you’re a people pleaser, so just focus on cheering yourself on for any baby steps you take on the way.
Once you can start putting yourself first and realizing what you need and want in your career or at an employer you’ll begin to notice some changes. It’s important to set boundaries once you realize what your needs are and talk it out. If it’s not received well by your boss or supervisor, that might not be the place for you. But if it is, pat yourself on the back, that’s a big step and probably took a lot of you. Along the way keep taking notes on what you need or what you’d like and always vocalize it. I know it’s tough, trust me I probably vocalize my wants and needs 20% of the time but I am learning. We all are. Just gotta build up habits and get comfortable.
Personal Happiness Matters
Most importantly keep in mind that you are living YOUR life. No one else’s. Your happiness should be the top of your priority and it’s okay to want and need things. Stick up for yourself. You’ve got this, we’ve all got this. And remember, don’t be too hard on yourself. Anxiety is tough to deal with, but it makes you who you are and you can learn a lot about yourself. Take time outside of work to prioritize yourself as well. Go to concerts, indulge in your hobbies, and do whatever you can to make life good for yourself. Lastly, always remember to be proud of any progress, big or small.
Photo taken at Vision Arcade concert. One of my favorite local bands that I go see often to make sure I am indulging in things that make me happy.