THE EFFECTS OF ADULTHOOD ON A FRIENDSHIP
One thing I have learned growing up as a dude is that guy friend groups don’t often talk about emotions, specifically about how they feel about each other. It’s not like no one wants to, it just happens. One reason could be that lots of men view sharing emotions as a sign of weakness because that is engraved to them by society (another topic for another post) or some other situation. All I know is that it sucks and sometimes I want to share with my boys how much they mean to me but something in my little head tells me to hold back.
Unfortunately, this can lead to the slow dissolution of friend groups after college. One of the guys in my close friend group recently brought this up and it has been on my mind ever since. Moving further and further into adulthood, everyone only gets busier and busier. More effort is needed to keep a group of friends glued together, and many guys miss out on the opportunities to hold a group together until it is too late.
Photo I took from a trip to Seattle a few years ago.
THE ROOT OF THE CAUSE
I am so glad my friend brought this topic up to the group. A little backstory behind this friend group, we are all in our early 20s and extremely scattered around the US. A few of us went to the same middle school, but we all went to high school together. Ever since 2018, we have become so tight. Every Christmas and summer break when everyone was back in town from college, we spent almost every day together. The group has taken different paths since graduation from college, and it has spread us all out across the US making it tough for us to hang out as much as we would like.
Being scattered like this has been super weird. I know for a fact we are not the only group that is going/has gone through something like this, which is why I want to share this experience. I had been feeling so depressed about not seeing my close friends more than once or twice a year. We cannot just send a text and all be hanging out 30 minutes later. It is sadly just the reality of the point we are at in our lives. This is when the friendships truly get tested, and if you don’t do anything to keep the memory collection expanding and the bond there, the friendship will sadly start to slip away.
Friendships and time with those you love to have a great effect on your mental health. I had been feeling so down about us being so far apart and rarely getting to hang out, it was affecting my want to get out of bed most days. I have not been able to find any other friendships like I have with this group of guys anywhere else. Nothing is this fulfilling. Once my friend spoke up and said he was feeling the same way, everyone else seemed to agree. None of us want this friendship to slip away.
WORK, EFFORT, PREPARATION
Luckily, for anyone in this situation, nothing must slip away. The boys need to put in some work and effort. To start, it’s going to take someone/everyone to speak up and recognize the issue. It helps to put in the effort to hold it together knowing how much a friend group means to everybody in it. I know for a fact that most guy friend groups do not share how much it means to them enough. I tend to hold this to myself. The boys are like family. It’s tough to imagine a life without your boys, so let them know.
Once you are over that hump, the friend group needs to realize that hangouts are not going to happen naturally. Everyone is scattered and you can’t hang out whenever and wherever anymore. Keeping the boys together takes more effort than it did before. Everyone has busy schedules and it’s hard to do things on short notice, so start planning things out months in advance. Talk with your boys and figure out several times together a year that work and will fulfill everyone, and then make it happen. These times together do not have to be anything crazy, especially if you are in your early 20s like us and your income is nothing crazy while diving headfirst into adulthood. You can do simple things, like a hometown link-up, or have everyone fly out to where one of the friends in the group resides. Anything really will do if you get to spend some quality time together. Some things we have done in the past are hang out in the hometown during the holidays, travel to other events around the country like Mardi Gras, and take road trips to one of the guys closer by and hang out for a weekend.
Sunset photo I took while staying at the beach. Get your boys together and just do something. No matter if it is super simple or super extravagant, just have fun.
GET AFTER IT
The most important thing is to realize that holding your group together is going to take some effort. To get to that point, your true feelings about your friends need to come out, shared, and faced. Your boys will always have your back, and if the friendship means that much to everyone, the effort will be put in. The hard part is recognizing the issue. It took a while for me to pinpoint a big reason why I was feeling so down all the time. I didn’t come to this conclusion until my friend said something.
I hope this helps you in any way possible. One thing I hope you always remember is to make sure your friends know how much they mean to you. Never hesitate to vocalize how happy a friendship makes you or how sad you feel when you do not get to hang out all the time. It’s always good for someone to know how much they matter.