One thing I have learned over the years is that it’s really tough to learn how to function outside of how you were raised, especially when it comes to expressing emotions. We are all products of our direct environment, and it can be hard to understand that the way you may be acting is not totally normal.
It wasn’t until more recently that I realized I do not handle my emotions the way most emotionally healthy people do. A lot of this is because of how those around me dealt with their feelings as I was growing up. I have always held most of my emotions to myself until they become too overbearing. I started noticing through social media, movies, etc. that other people often voice their feelings on the spot. People will straight up tell others that something the other person did made them upset, or that a gesture made them super happy. I have never even thought about doing this.
The Handcuffs of Internalizing Emotions
My go to reaction if I’m upset is to just be quiet and deal with it internally, but I have noticed that that is not the healthiest way to deal with it. Doing that over and over again tends to make the problems snowball, and get more and more frustrating. The issue is, it never occurs to me to state my feelings on the spot, it doesn’t seem normal to do that. It feels normal to internalize my feelings and not share them, but by observing others, it seems most emotionally healthy people will speak their mind on the spot. This is something I would really like to work on.
I believe the reason that I find it normal to internalize any and all feelings is because that is how things were in the environment I was raised in. I was never allowed to be mad or really have my own opinions as my dad’s opinions were made to seem like the only thing that mattered. On top of this, I have never experienced emotional openness in relationships either. I have had no examples of how to express emotions, which makes me see holding them in as the normal and correct thing to do.
Observation is Key to Learning to Express Emotions
Observing people openly express their emotions and be very honest has helped me see that this is not the healthy thing to do. Social media was the first thing to introduce me to this idea as I believe there are a lot of very blunt and honest people who express their feelings on social media. I typically am not a fan of social media as I feel it drains time and causes you to miss other experiences (even though I definitely fall into the doom scrolling trap daily), however, I feel it is a good place to learn about how others function and receive influence from outside your direct environment.
I have started to give it a shot and express my emotions on the spot when I am feeling upset or sad about something. It feels relieving to express myself and get things off my chest, however, since I am not programmed that way, it still feels a bit wrong. I am nowhere near where I want to be regarding expressing my emotions, and probably still contain them 95% of the time. But that 5% of the time I do express it, it feels great for me. Others might not receive it well though, however, I hope one day lots more people will learn to express their emotions and receive another person’s emotions.
We Were Meant to Express Our Emotions
I keep telling myself that if I keep holding in my emotions nothing is going to ever be fixed and the problems will not be solved. Expressing your emotions seems key to moving through life, especially in your relationships. Both sides of a relationship should be an open emotional book I feel. If one person is feeling a certain way, it should be voiced so the other party can fix something. And honestly, not always is there going to be a solution. Sometimes a need can’t be met, but expressing one’s emotions can allow the two in a relationship to come to this conclusion. Then the parties can see how big of a deal breaker it is for the need to be met. This is something I am learning about everyday. It is hard to learn about, because I haven’t seen too many around me in emotionally healthy relationships so I do not have examples. But I am doing my best to learn how I can.
Within the next few months, I want to keep making myself express my emotions and feelings of joy, happiness, sadness, and upsetness (if that’s a word) so that I can continue to gain emotional maturity. I am feeling a little trapped by myself, and I think it is because I do not express any emotions verbally. If you are ever feeling the same way about this topic, feel free to reach out to me and we can talk about it. You can learn a lot about yourself by talking it out with another person. I wish us all luck on this journey of emotional maturity, let’s kick some fat ass.